I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
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