Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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