so that wasnt chicken after all
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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