is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
