Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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