i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
being pregnant is like rehab
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
