would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
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