If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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