Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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