So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
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beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
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