man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Fuck me I smell like cheese
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