Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
