I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
