Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
