My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
