So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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