i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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