Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
