we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
