I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
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She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
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He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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