apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
