i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
