You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
you're hired as official boob wrangler
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
