i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
