2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
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Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
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I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
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