her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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