I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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