I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
