I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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