i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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