Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
