HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
