Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
