In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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