I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
