some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
