umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
