you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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