I'm drive I can fine osifer
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
