Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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