you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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