When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
and you fell through a lawn chair
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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