So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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