Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
