It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
