I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
