You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
His hands were made for my vagina.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize
