Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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