never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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