What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.  Â
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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