Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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