wakey wakey hands off snakey
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Randomize
