i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
