Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Randomize
