I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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