don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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