We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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