last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Randomize
