You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
