Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
