where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
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you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
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I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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