So drunk, too bad you don't want this
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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