a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
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