God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Randomize
