Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
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The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
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Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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