I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I have already put on my inside pants.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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