Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
