Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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