Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
