Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
