Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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