Only a mothe r could love this liver
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
